My name is Theresa Ramos let me tell you my story…

My parents came to the United States from the Philippines four years before I was born. I am the third of six children. From as young as I can remember, there was a lot of strife and confusion at home because of the cultural differences, and it grew worse as I grew into adolescence. I was always confused about my identity, and tried finding it in my ethnicity. Growing up in the south, I resented being different. From as young as eleven years old, I began looking for approval from my peers, even at the cost of hurting those that loved me. I would sneak out of my house at night, meet up with friends, party and sometimes never even came home. I just wanted a social life and didn’t know how to have one outside of rebelling.  I thought my parents were holding me back from having fun, but I was wrong. At age fourteen, I lost my virginity to a guy I had a huge crush on. Because of my desire for attention, I didn’t care if the whole world knew. It didn’t matter what kind of attention it was, I just wanted it. So I began having more sex for more attention, and now doing drugs from marijuana to LSD.  I started out using drugs and drinking alcohol to have fun, then it turned into need in order to numb all the pain, even pushing the limits many times. My parents put me in a couple of places for drug rehabilitation at fifteen, but even rebelled against the authorities there, leaving in the middle of the night. Eventually, at age sixteen, I left home, never to return. I moved from one place to another, living with my older sister, then with friends who were willing to put me up for a few weeks here and there.  My mother cried out to the Lord, and gave her heart to Jesus as a result of the pain I put her through. She started changing in ways only Jesus could change a person. At least once a week, our home was always packed with people who came with their instruments, singing praises and worshiping the Lord from evening ‘til early the next morning. One day her best friend was over at our house and she asked to speak to me privately. I’ll never forget how we sat on my bed and she told me how much Jesus loved me and wanted a relationship with me. Having a relationship with the Lord was a new concept to me. She spoke so gently and with such love, I now know that Jesus was speaking to me through her. She sang the song Change My Heart O God. God’s presence stirred my heart, and afterwards, we both wept together as she prayed for me. Seeds were planted in my heart that evening, but at that time, I was still not ready to give Him my whole heart.

My life of partying continued. There was an incident where my friends and I were so messed up on marijuana and alcohol at 2:30 in the morning, coming back from a party. We got into a car accident where the car flew and flipped sideways a couple of times and we ended up right at the parking lot of the restaurant my parents owned at the time. I thought of how devastated my parents would’ve been if I had gotten killed right in front of our family business. I even thought about where I knew I would have gone to spend eternity had the Lord chosen to take my life. I would have gone straight to hell. It hit me how my life could end at any moment. One moment I was just partying having what I thought was a great time, and ignoring the fact that God was knocking at my door, the next moment I was in a car accident that could have literally taken my life. One would think that would have been enough to get my attention to turn to God, but I just laid low for a few days, and I was back to the same lifestyle again. I thought that if I gave Jesus my heart, I would be missing out on life. 

One night, I was at a night club, and I met this nice guy. Within a month or so I noticed he began to take interest in me as a person. I was really messed up with nasty habits a bad reputation, and low self-esteem. He was a nice guy and the complete opposite of me. Still searching for love and thinking that a child was the answer, I intentionally got pregnant at age seventeen. There I was pregnant, with no stable home, no money, no job, no education, living with a friend at the time, and feeling uncomfortable there. Before the baby was born, we moved into an apartment together and tried doing what we thought would be best for the baby. Still, at this time, I was on God’s radar and He was searching me out. He had some friends that were Christians who invited us to these Home Bible studies. Every time we would run into them, they would always ask us if and when we were going to get married. It wasn’t long before we finally gave in, and we found ourselves at this Bible Study. There I felt God’s presence again as they sang beautiful worship songs, shared God’s word, and prayed with authority and power. As the Word was shared, my eyes opened up, and my heart was pierced as we openly discussed and shared amongst each other. Soon afterwards, I gave my life to Jesus.

Being a young Christian, I wanted to follow the Lord with all my heart, but still had residue of the world, and no one to take me under their wings to help me to grow in the Lord and teach me about this new journey, the true joy and the abundant life Jesus died to give me. For years, I lived in defeat, and kept falling back into old habits and lifestyles because I didn’t know how to truly live in victory. I didn’t know how to get to know this Jesus that I had supposedly surrendered my life to. I also married my daughter’s father for fear of being a single parent, and raising her all alone. Although he was a nice guy, I was not whole, but broken, and in my heart, I didn’t feel I was ready to commit to marriage, but fear caused me to do what I knew I shouldn’t. In a short time, I was lost again and deep in the world. I was partying all the time, still looking for happiness, and drowning myself in alcohol to numb the pain that was never dealt with. My life was in a whirlwind.  I even got thrown in jail a couple of times for battery on a police officer, and domestic violence as a result of my rebellion and anger. Eventually, I began living in adultery, still looking for unconditional love. That started a war in the marriage, and every day was World War III. Truth be told, things were a mess. I was a mess. I began to think about my life. I was weary of the strife, fear and all the continuous drama. I imagined what my life would look like if I continued in this lifestyle. I thought about how this would affect my daughter in the future if things didn’t change. I realized how for every problem or issue that occurred in my life, every solution I came up with was just a band aid, but was never the real solution. The issue or problem would always reoccur or pop its head up again and sometimes even come back worse. I felt that every decision I made was made in fear, lacked wisdom, and always failed. Nothing ever worked out for me. Not my relationships, my finances, my education, occupations, or reputation. Some people have worldly wisdom; I knew that I didn’t even have that. I never felt confident or secure about anything; my identity, my relationships, my past, present, or future. I felt so hopeless, and I was big, big mess. It was through that season of trials that I completely surrendered my heart to the Lord without looking back. I came to realize beyond a shadow of a doubt that I need God.  I repented for turning to everything but God for answers in life, for hope and for love. I asked Jesus to sit at the throne of my heart and to be the Lord of my life. I allowed God to do surgery in my life, and to begin to heal the pain and hurts in my life. Instead of running to alcohol, drugs or shopping to numb the pain, or fill a void, I began to learn to run to Jesus and allow Him to show me his faithfulness, his goodness, his love, and to get to know Him in greater intimacy.  A couple of years passed, and because of unforgiveness and no one in our lives to walk us through to healing, and growth in God, the marriage ended .  The marriage lasted five years.

I’ve been walking with the Lord for quite some time now. I love Him so much for loving me, and for how his love has changed my life.  When I look back, I can’t help but notice his awesome goodness, and his great love for me. God took my pain, my hurts, my shame, my weaknesses, and all the ugliness, and turned it for good. All of my experiences were not in vain when I gave them to Him. Knowing his love and faithfulness, keeps me steady even when my life seems shaky. I asked my parents to forgive me for dishonoring them all those years in so many ways, and my relationship with my parents has been restored. I am more in love with Jesus today than ever before. Today, I am blessed to be married to a wonderful man, John, who fears the Lord, and loves Jesus with all his heart. Together we have four children. Out of love for Him, we share the same burden and work together to reach, win souls, and make disciples for Christ.  Since before we were married, the Lord blessed us with a spiritual father, Greg Lancaster. God was so good to have fulfilled the longing in my heart to be discipled through this relationship. It is through this relationship that I became a disciple, learned how to abide with the Lord and hear God’s voice, obey what I heard, bringing transformation in my life.  Although my relationship with the Lord hasn’t been without growing pains, learning the love of God, and having the truth of God’s Word revealed to me about myself, and being blessed to have my spiritual covering minister the truth in love, has helped me to stick, stay and stand in my faith in the Lord, even when it hurts. He still continues to work in my life, and will have plenty of work to do in me in my lifetime. I’m convinced that God uses the lowly things of this world and that he is not looking for good, perfect, or wise people who have it all together. He’s looking for those who are willing to surrender all to Him and realize their true need for Him. Will you surrender all to Him today? 

If you’d like to invite the Lord Jesus Christ into your life as I did read more